Digital Tools Used by Bullies

Back in the 1960's and 1970's, the major buzz toted about life in the 21st century would be better, easier and greatly improved with modern conveniences. In 1963, I remember going to the World's Fair at Flushing Meadows Park in Queens, New York. They had the "World of the Future" pavillion. It was so cool looking at all the modern gadgets to come in the future.

Too bad no one could anticipate modern technology not being able to do away with the same old social problem of bullying. Now the bullies have a new tool to add to their arsenal of terrorizing other kids. This article is a small example of bullying in the digital age.

When 'digital bullying' goes too far by Leslie Katz

Year: 2005

Two years ago, Ryan routinely spent two to three hours a night instant messaging with classmates. Then he noticed a pattern: "It made me feel terrible."

Kids, the 13-year-old said, spent the better part of their evenings insulting one another online. "They'd start getting really mad at you, and sometimes it wouldn't even make sense," said the Manhattan teenager, who asked that his last name not be used. "It made me really cautious about what people were really saying behind my back. Leaving IM and walking around, I still was thinking about it. It felt really horrible."

Ryan--whose experience disturbed him so much he avoided instant messaging for nearly two years and now uses it only occasionally--is far from alone.

According to a recent survey by U.K. children's charity NCH, one in five kids has been bullied via digital phone or computer. Bullying by text message was the most common form of abuse reported, with 14 percent of children interviewed saying they had received upsetting messages on their mobile phones. The interactions run the gamut from disconcerting to downright terrifying.

Read more . . .

Wikipedia's Full Coverage on Bully Topics

• 1 The behavior engaged in by bullies: bullying
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• 2 Types of bullying
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• 3 Locations of bullying
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• 4 Effects of bullying
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• 5 Fictional Bullies
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• 6 Books
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• 7 See also
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• 8 External links

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1991 - 1993

Bully: Smarlene Loveless

Food chain position: Chief Financial Officer

Achilles Heel: She wanted to desparately belong. She spun a web of being your colleague with the appearance of tantamount confidence and seemingly helping you every step of the way, in developing your career.

Modus Operandi: Draws you in by building you up.

Profile: She carried her middle aged, but strikingly beautiful body at 6' 2" with an over powering confidence that would engulf anyone to bow down before her. She had a killer personality that could make anyone (below or above her) feel good about themselves. Initially being around her would make anyone commit [company wise] purjury, murder someone or just plain cut someone's throat to champion her agenda.

Food chain: Myself and 2 other key administrative operational managers reported directly to her.
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Fast forward: One day, her secretary told me Smarlene made her so crazy, she [the secratary] would smoke 10 cigarettes in the dark in her apartment evey evening. The kicker was, the secretary was not a smoker, per se.

Rewind: The first 2 weekly 1 on 1 meetings I had with Smarlene drew some serious interest from other staff. Each time I exited her office, there were staff milling around her office for some unexplainable reason. On the 3rd weekly departure from Smarlene's office I asked the staff, hanging around her office "what's the deal with all of you being around whenever I have a meeting with Smarlene?" One person spoke up by saying "you are the only manager Smarlene does not scream and yell at during her staff meeting". We have been curious as to why she doesn't yell at you". I told them "there will be no yelling. I have schooled Smarlene on that subject at our first reporting meeting".

I told Smarlene "if you are angry at something I did or have not done by your specificaions, you're entitled to be angry at my results. Do not scream or yell at me. I expect to be treated as a person, with respect. I will treat you with respect. If you ever yell or scream at me, I will terminate our conversation until you have had time to relax and rethink your approach with the issue. I respect you and you will respect me as a human being". Smarlene was obviously taken aback by my statement as she knew she had not done anything for my statement to be presented. Of course, she agreed with me. My statement was thinking long term, as I quickly sized up what type of relationship she intended to have with me.

She continued to yell and lambaste the other mangaers, but not me. Smarlene and I had a great business relationship. She got what she wanted from me and she gave me what I wanted. Respect 101.


Moral of the Story?
Preempt a bully strike, before they strike you down. No human being should allow another human being to scream or yell at them - EVER. Once you start allowing a person stick their hand in the cookie jar of your self worth, they will continue sticking their hand in the cookie jar.

Fear feeds people a steady diet of mediocrity. You are what you eat.

Copyright (c) C. E. Reid 2005

1987 - 1988

Bully: Sharon "Susan twirley hair" Smiley

Food chain position: Risk Management Central Office Director over 12 healthcare facilities

Achilles Heel: Shallow personality.

Modus Operandi: She thought she was the cat's meow with her condescending facade packaged in a "I'm just like you" approach.

Profile: She carried a slumped over 5' 1" nothing body frame which exuded no confidence what so ever. She always made everyone who visited her office wait, even people with appointments. She had no personality (I know I said that before). Her staff hated her with a passion, while they presented a "All Hail to Sharon" welcome, to her visitors.

Food chain: JB (premo project manager, while supporting her team) along with DL, RW and myself all worked in another department called Patient Care Systems. We were an internal service provider, for the same central office, to Ms. Thang's department of Risk Management.
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Fast forward: We were tasked with developing (the computer field, now called IT for Information Technology, used to call it programming) a software package for Risk Management to track lawsuits against the company's healthcare facilties. Ms. Smiley's lead project manager, Susan, had a nervous breakdown half way through our project. At first, Susan appeared to be normal and on our side during the beginning stages of the project. Sharon caught wind of Susan's allegiance to us as normail people and proceeded to mentally pound Susan into the freaking dirt. This was done off-line to our meetings. At a halfway mark project meeting, Susan began twirling her hair for no apparent reason. Susan had obviously lost it. This gives you a good indication of the diabolical creature we only sometimes had to interact with. Unfortunately, Susan had to deal with Sharon everyday.

Rewind: Despite Sharon our project was an overwhelming success. JB had put a great team together. We were family for the few seconds in the millenium of life and very collaborative in looking out for each other. Our comradre help us get through this project while enduring internal departmental growing pains. Our department got bounced around from downtown New York City to moving multiple times within an uptown ofice building. We had lost our senior vice president, who was the guardian angel of our corporate "red headed step child" department. But we persevered through this project, despite Sharon's futile bullying. JB kept her at bay and out of our hair.

While JB fended off Sharon and we wound down the Risk management project, we began to ramp up for our next adventure. Without going in to details, but learning from previous bully experiences, we were the 1st team to spearhead local area networks into our corporation. Yup. This was a milestone marker, because the corporation was computer mainframe based, until we made the presentation and received "buy in" from senior management. I still place this accomplishment on my resume.

Moral of the Story?
People who seem to be your friend by seemly attempting to talk about things that inerest you, are not your freaking friends. Find out what really makes them tick when they are trying to be the sincerest of people.

Fear feeds people a steady diet of mediocrity. You are what you eat.

Copyright (c) C. E. Reid 2005

1984

Bully: Zominick Cortensa
Achilles Heel: Napoleon complex
Modus Operandi: Over powers people through intimidation and the Vulcan mind meld.
Profile: He carried his short, 5' 4" stature with overwhelming confidence. He had plenty of "Yes" people. So he respected people who stood up to him in a respectful manner.
Food chain: I reported to my supervisor, who reported to his supervisor, who reported to the department manager, who reported to Zominick Cortensa
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The office was abuzz with talk of the new senior vice president the company lured away from IBM. Zominick Cortensa was now in charge of a 250+ person technology division, where I worked as a mainframe programmer. I am always amazed at how people get so hung up on titles. So everyone is scurrying around the office to get on the good side of Mr. Cortensa. People only referred to him by his last name with great reverence.

The wheels started to turn in my mind. I wanted to align myself with Mr. Cortensa, but I wasn't going to kiss his ass. There were enough people doing that. "What would happen, if someone called Mr. Cortensa by his first name?” I asked a coworker. With a shocked looked, she said "would you want to risk your career doing that?” Then she says "don't do it while I'm around". Disassociation is always a good way to keep people in line. I asked a couple of other people and received similar reactions. I didn't think about it any more.

Three weeks later I'm at work a little after 7:00AM. Using peripheral vision as I worked in my cubicle, I notice a short well-dressed person flit past. Almost no one is usually in the office at that time. I get up to see who it is. Although he was way down the aisle, I said "good morning". He turned around, cool as a cucumber and walks towards me with all the confidence in the world.

Since I hadn't seen him before, I immediately knew it was "Mr. Cortensa". I make it my business to know everybody in an organization.

He says, "You're in early. My name is Zominick Cortensa". I say "nice to meet you Zominick." As I shake his hand and confidently tell him my name, he corrects me "that's Mr. Cortensa to you." Now I understood why people called him by his last name. He obviously laid down the law about his name to his managers. The orders trickled down to the troops. "No problem Mr. Cortensa, as long as you call me Mr. Reid" I shot back. He looked at me narrowing his eyes as if to say "oh no you didn't just speak to me like that". Mentally I was already packing up my desk, but I was not afraid. Zominick asked, "What's your name again?” I told him again. He smiled and said, "I heard about you. I like you. If ever need anything come and see me."

He was referring to the true story circulated in the office about me. I had started in the mailroom and became the "go to" person in a particular department called "office services". Then I received a couple of promotions before getting the programmer position. All of it accomplished in a little over 2 years.

A month later I'm talking to a few coworkers about a project and Zominck passes by. I say, "How are you Zominick" as I reach over and shake his hand. At the same time I glance over to see people with that "he's not with us" look on their face. They slowly slink away from me. Zominick responds in kind "I'm good. Everything OK? Anyone bothering you?" . . . yada yada yada, we chat for a minute?” Zominick leaves.

A few minutes later those same people come over and want to know how come I get to call him by his first name. I'm feeling confident and cocky at the same time. Hey, I earned it. I ventured where no one else dared to. I say to them "let's just say Zominick and I came an understanding a few weeks back". I left it at that.

I wonder whom they are calling by their last name this week?

Moral of the Story?
Speak up and establish yourself quickly with a bully. This immediately eliminates any misunderstanding about you not being in control of your life. Saying nothing makes them understand they can beat you up for breakfast, lunch and dinner.

Fear feeds people a steady diet of mediocrity. You are what you eat.


Copyright (c) C. E. Reid 2004

1982

Bully: Schmed Alien
Achilles Heel: Lacked confidence. Played the race card to justify not getting ahead in life. Paranoid to the point where he thought the FBI was watching him all the time.
Modus Operendi: Drew people in with a very suave talking approach. Used subtle threats to keep people in check. Threats were always said in a manner that wouldn't get him in any trouble, because they couldn't be proven.
Profile: He was a pretty boy. Used his looks and bragging to impress people. He spent most his time trying to figure out how not to do any work.
Food chain: We started out as coworkers, but I ended up being his boss
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One of the most noble professions in the world is a mail room staff person. The mail room is always considered the bowels of an organizations. The truth is an organization can get constipated quickly, if mail distribution stops for even a day. Many executives have started in the mail room. Why? Mailroom staff get to network with everyone in an organization.

So I get this 12 week gig temping in a mailroom. I meet HD, the supervisor of Office Services and RD, the assistant supervisor. HD introduces me to Schmed Alien who is going on medical leave for some surgery. Schmed spends a week showing me the ropes. I'm to fill in for him by packaging 200-300 12" computer tape reels for UPS to pick up every day. I will also help other mail room employees deliver mail. Throughout the week Schmed introduces me to other people and lets me know who's who and what's what. He tells me he's been in the mail room 7 years. Schmed goes on leave.

Fast forward 12 weeks: Schmed came back and I went away. 2 months later, HD hired me as an administrative assistant in Office Services. This made me Schmed's boss. He was not a happy camper. So the dance began.

Schmed did his best everyday to convince me I should resign. He was in line for the position I held.

Rewind: I'll explain, in a few, what I did in those 12 weeks that enabled me to get hired.



Copyright (c) C. E. Reid 2004